“OH yes, I’m the great pretender,” warbled the female singer, before tearing her wig and dress off as though to prove the point.
If there’s a sure-fire way to get your beer bar noticed then it has to be to employ a lady-boy cabaret.
This mini-Tiffany’s has a string of ‘girls’ that happily pout and preen themselves while miming to 1970s’ classics.
Their stage is just off Second Street, so it’s impossible to miss. The open air bar also has a restaurant, but those who come here are mainly content to sit by the stage and watch the shows.
The performers make their entrances dressed in plumes of feathers, in bikinis, or in Carmen Miranda-style costumes, which include bunches of grapes on their heads. Flashing long nails and broad smiles they embark on a routine that usually includes provocatively flirting with the audience and posing for a few photographers.
Watch out for their own version of Tina Turner, who has the most wobbly, elastic, jaw you’ve ever seen, which she uses to good effect every time there’s a long note.
Everything from Earth, Wind and Fire’s Fantasy, to New York, New York, is given the Malibu treatment, and there’s even their own special Pattaya song with which they round things off.
If you do wane of the show, there’s a separate bar right next door where a variety of sports keep drinkers entertained.
Despite all the glitz and glamour, drinks here are the same as elsewhere, and there’s no cover charge, you simply find a seat and watch the show. Malibu is a fun bar, where the emphasis is on entertainment.
The one twist is that not all the ‘girls’ are guys, some are the real thing, but the trick is to see if you can tell which is which. After each act has performed a turn, they come out and mingle with the appreciative crowd.
Because the shows are so slick and polished, audiences are soon in the spirit and applauding loudly.
And, as any good lady-boy will tell you, there’s nothing like a warm hand upon your entrance.